So, popes. I don’t know much about them. We had Pope John Paul the somethingth for a long time. Once, I tried to read a comic book about him, at my desk at work. It was a slow day at the autograph auction company, and we’d gotten a comic book signed by him. (Jeez, people […]

“Who is that?“ I walked by the front desk for the third or fourth time. I was trying to be casual about it, but the librarian kept looking up at me. I smiled at her and pretended everything was normal–pretended I wasn’t staring at the desk organizer. Because right there in that little organizer was a […]

I was in a place, and there were people there, and we were doing something. Could this be any more vague? I’m blurring the details; I don’t want you to know when or where this happened, because…I may have stolen a pencil. We were filling out forms. Pens were provided. They were in coffee cups, […]

“Who wants to be secretary?” I looked around the room. No one had raised their hand. “The secretary position has no duties whatsoever.” I looked around again. Still, no hands were up, so I slowly raised mine. “Ok, Danny!” Dr. Scheuermann said, making a note on a piece of paper. And that’s how I became […]

This happens more than I’d like to admit. I pick up a random pencil, in this case, from a box containing around two thousand of pencils—a giant mishmash of old and new pencils. I want to write something. Or maybe not even. Maybe I just want to have a pencil in my hand, in case […]

“Underlining takes a lot less graphite than writing does…” Jimmy Roach would know. He’s an MFA student in Fiction, and is a serious underliner. In fact, he maintains several caches of miniature pencils devoted solely to this purpose–in his car, on his kitchen table, and in his computer bag. He’s always ready to put thin […]

Imagine holding a dozen wooden baseball bats under your arm, day and night, for the next ten years. And how about if, once a week, somebody yanks a bat out from under there? Or jams another two in? Such is the life of a rubber band keeping a bunch of pencils together. It holds on, […]

Hey look, I rescued more pencils! (translation: “Hey look, I bought another bag of junk at SAVERS!”) They aren’t bags of junk, though. They’re bags of wonder. For example, I wonder, “Who were the Wissahickons?” And I wonder, “Can I find out who the Wissahickons are without going on the internet?” [We interrupt this program […]